Release and let go!

I have a bit of a confession...sharing it requires that I allow myself to be vunerable and today I can say that, that is okay. My grandmother was cremated. Everyone that was close to her knew her wishes. My mother and I spread most of her ashes after her death. I kept some and replanted her Easter Lillies with them. I kept the last of them saying I was going to plant a tree and put the rest of them there. Last night God began to deal with me about the remaining ashes. I had been justifying keeping them. I feel that God was patient as long as he was because of my state, but last night it was as if he said enough...it's time to let go. Today is my birthday; when I woke up a friend had tied balloons to my car. I took four of the balloons and went to one of my prayer spots with the last of the ashes. I prayed, sang, spread the rest of the ashes in the water, and then released the balloons. When I got into the car I felt different. After I drove down the road I noticed one of the balloons was still in the car and I stopped the car and let it go too. I said I wonder why that one was left. I had reached in the back of the car when taking the balloons out; how I missed that one is amazing. When I let the final balloon go I began to pray again "God I don't just let her go but I let go of every hurt, every dissapointment, every offense, every time someone wronged me...I choose to let it go...God I need your help...help me to let it go". I believe something broke today I believe something changed. It's a bit grim but when you lose someone that close to your reason and reality can become a bit shaken. I decided to let it all go and to love freely. Today with the help of the Lord and the Holy Spirit I choose to let go and forgive. People are people...we make mistakes. I take confidence in knowing that God's love for me is perfect and because of that I have the strength to love and trust because I know that God's plans for me are good and he will protect me. Thank God for change. I love you with the love of Jesus Christ.Amen.

I don't agree with some of the lyrics but I couldn't think of a better song to express how I feel.

The Glory of the Lord is Coming

    Today I started reading a book that I read some years ago "Pursuing the Glory".  I am only on the introduction but it is already proving to be a powerful right now message. Here is an excerpt from the Introduction: " There is soon to be a collision between the heavenly and earthly realm. The barrier that has separated the two realms is being destroyed."
   



 Psalm 24

24 The earth is the Lord's, and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.

² For he hath founded it upon the seas, and established it upon the floods.
³ Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place?
⁴ He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.
⁵ He shall receive the blessing from the Lord, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
⁶ This is the generation of them that seek him, that seek thy face, O Jacob. Selah.
⁷ Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in.
⁸ Who is this King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle.
⁹ Lift up your heads, O ye gates; even lift them up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in.
¹⁰ Who is this King of glory? The Lord of hosts, he is the King of glory. Selah.              

It's Not Over!

I am glad that I have a good sense of humor. Laughter has gotten me through some difficult times. Today I went by the water and I got out of the car and as I was walking under a tree my hat got caught in the branches...I had washed my hair and it was in plats...it was combed but not exactly in a flattering style...I laughed out loud and said thank God I had hair under my hat! We have a lot to be thankful for so today as I await the start of Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) at sundown I have a laugh in my soul and heart knowing that God is for me and it is not over!

I went to a local prayer garden today...it was wonderful. I began to wonder if there were more in the area and then God began to instruct me to begin my own. I loved my time with God today...one of the things I got was it is time to seek God's face because there are dark days to come but if you seek God's face he will be the light; night will be as day before you.

Impossible Possibility?

It's Rosh Hashanah; the Jewish "head of the year" or New Year. It was my goal to make it to the water before the sun went down. I did not make it to see the sunset and I was extremely aggrivated and then I came to a place of peace simply knowing that today is a New Beginning and I am by the water....not when I wanted but I am here just the same. God is faithful.

This is the view from one of my prayer spots. There are places that I like to go and pray; I also have prayer routes that I like to drive. They are almost always by water. One day I will live by the water and I will sit on my porch taking in the beauty of God's creation. In the meantime thank God that I still have access.

My older son called me yesterday and said he needed to talk. When I got there he started off by saying "I had a dream..." I cut him off and said " I know you didn't call me to come way over here to tell me something you could have told me over the phone...we laughed and he said"no this is different ". I told him to tell me and he began to tell me that he had dreamed I was building a house and people kept stealing material....he said it was like they didn't know what they were doing but their doing it still prevented the construction of the house. He said then these people who were very different and from their appearance looked like misfits came and told the people stealing the material that they had better stop, and then there started to be progress in the construction of the house and the house was eventually finished. That dream has been ony mind since he told me. It makes me think of how important it is to choose who you have around you carefully because just like in his dream even if the people around you unconsciously hinder your vision or goals it still slows the process of construction. What then is the solution? For me its a simple prayer of Lord bring those who will.

Light

Someone walked up to.my car while I was in the drive thru of a fast food restaurant and asked me to  call 911 for them. I did (of course). His walking up to my car when there were others he could have gone to was humbling and encouraging. If people close to you, estranged, or strangers come to you when they need help its because they see something in you.
Matthew
Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.

I woke up around four not feeling that well I thought I was just coming down with something but then I began to hear the voice of the enemy telling me negative things so I said okay this is warfare and got up. I began to read the bible and I felt better soon afterwards. I began to think about alot...how a lot of times things have no power unless you agree and then I began to think on the power God has entrusted us with...what are we doing with it? Are we speaking life? I also thought on how the enemy uses division against the body. I thought of the power of the words of a believer. I thought on how we must be careful. I thought on spiritual principles. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit and guidance. I thought about times I said what I shouldn't. I thought on believers essentially working against each other. I thought about parenting...how parents often have to resolve fights between siblings about how just like God a lot of parents will have the child see their wrong in the matter. God is good.

Speak Life

God has been dealing with me about alot of the things. One of which is praying blessings over my children. I used to do it all the time. I would pray with them, anoint them, pray over them while they were sleeping and pray blessings over them and have them pray blessings over me. I got away from that and alot of other things I know to do.  Today is a new day... Let's begin.
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

A wonderful change

Something changed in me today. I don't fully know what all it entails...but something is different. I felt something open and I know things will never be the same.

It's Time

Yesterday my friend and I were riding and talking and I told her that although I was in an uncomfortable place I had to admit that good was coming from it.I told her my faith was being restored. I use to ride around looking at houses; I would pick out the ones I liked. Once I picked out a waterfront home that was located in the downtown area of the city that I live in; I really liked it. I had a realtor give me a viewing of the home. I told her that I was an author (I am although I had only started this blog at that time). After a while I got the courage to tell someone and I was shocked by their response ...it was, you can have it....anyone else would have used reason and asked me the questions about things that need to be in place when purchasing a home like: what is your income?, what is your credit score?; how much money do you have toward your down payment?...none of these questions were asked and having this person believe with me built my faith. I am looking, and believing God for what seems impossible again. Last night I heard a speaker speak on faith. It was awesome and a confirmation "God is up to something good". My signature for my phone this year is " Great things in 2015" and I believe it. :)
 I drove by the water today...last night the preacher said "Cast your bread on the water..." I wanted to see it in the natural so I went to feed the birds... they were all the way on the other side of the beach...I began to throw the bread and then I said to myself "okay get off the bench and stand up to throw it'...after a while one bird came to eat the bread, soon there were many. It is time to reap; the things done by faith were not done in vain.
Ecclesiastes 11:1 Cast thy bread upon the waters:for thou shalt find it after many days

SPEAK LORD!

You know you have heard a good word when it makes you go pray!

Purpose

This week God has began to deal with me about using my time purposefully. Feeling the way I have been feeling, the only way I can see being able to do this is to make a list of the things I need to do...it feels funny having to write the list. I used to write these kind of lists because I was doing so much it was easier just to complete a task then cross it out; now I have an abundance of time but a lack of will to complete the tasks. I wrote my list today as I sat by the water....one of the things I love to do that is different now. I sat feeling like I was waiting. Waiting for my ship to come in, waiting on purpose and direction. What do you do while waiting? You do what you know to do; pray, exercise your gifts, complete the things you know you need to complete... if you are having a hard time doing those things write them down and purposely schedule some time to do them. Whatever we do we must keep moving we can't get where we need to go standing still.

Fish Out of Water

Various times in my life God would give me a sign that he was with me; that he heard me; that he loved me. One of those signs was a fish jumping out of water. So today as I sit looking out of my mother's window looking at the view my grandmother once loved I feel kind of torn. Fish after fish are jumping in the air but it kind of hurts. It kind of reminds me of a parent putting alcohol on a scrape; it makes it better but it still hurts and it reminds you that you are injured. My grandmother passed on Mother's Day...she was ready. I heard her say it. I wasn't ready. How can you say goodbye to someone that close to you? It was selfish to want her to stay. Her health was fading; she couldn't do the things she loved to do anymore; most of all she was very independent so when the time came that so many of the things we take for granted required assistance for her, it was very hard. I still wasn't ready. I still liked to call. I still liked to come to her house and see her; it was so comforting to me. It made me feel safe. It made me feel secure. So as I sit and look out at the water and continue to see the fish jump part of me is happy because I know it is well with her; the other part shrinks back from the fact that someone so very special to me is gone. A week or two before my grandmother passed a group that I am involved with gave me a list to pick ten questions to answer from as a way to get to know me and others better. One of the questions I chose: "If you could eat dinner with anyone dead or living who would it be?" My answer...My father (deceased);My cousin (deceased); My grandmother's best friend(deceased); and my grandmother (living). I thought of the joy she would feel to see my cousin, and her best friend (she may have been alright seeing my father too...lol). I take comfort in knowing that she is having her dinner party and not only did the guest list include those I chose but it also included her husband, her mother, her father, her sister, her brother, her godmother, her uncle and others gone before her. Even in loss God is faithful; that won't change.

Finish the work...there is an expected end.

Today my mom called to tell me that my grandmother was back in the hospital. I felt an urgency to plant something. I decided on sunflowers and then I remembered I had blogged and posted a picture of  some sunflowers I had grown before. I looked back and found the post. May 12th of 2011 I had blogged about my grandmother being in the hospital and on May 16th I had posted a picture of the sunflowers I had planted. I can't explain what is going on right now in my life. I have been given some instructions and I know that my obedience will determine some key elements in the outcome of my future. I know that I must finish; no matter how tired; no matter what is going on around me. I must complete the work.