Sunday, October 18, 2015
I have a bit of a confession...sharing it requires that I allow myself to be vunerable and today I can say that, that is okay. My grandmother was cremated. Everyone that was close to her knew her wishes. My mother and I spread most of her ashes after her death. I kept some and replanted her Easter Lillies with them. I kept the last of them saying I was going to plant a tree and put the rest of them there. Last night God began to deal with me about the remaining ashes. I had been justifying keeping them. I feel that God was patient as long as he was because of my state, but last night it was as if he said enough...it's time to let go. Today is my birthday; when I woke up a friend had tied balloons to my car. I took four of the balloons and went to one of my prayer spots with the last of the ashes. I prayed, sang, spread the rest of the ashes in the water, and then released the balloons. When I got into the car I felt different. After I drove down the road I noticed one of the balloons was still in the car and I stopped the car and let it go too. I said I wonder why that one was left. I had reached in the back of the car when taking the balloons out; how I missed that one is amazing. When I let the final balloon go I began to pray again "God I don't just let her go but I let go of every hurt, every dissapointment, every offense, every time someone wronged me...I choose to let it go...God I need your help...help me to let it go". I believe something broke today I believe something changed. It's a bit grim but when you lose someone that close to your reason and reality can become a bit shaken. I decided to let it all go and to love freely. Today with the help of the Lord and the Holy Spirit I choose to let go and forgive. People are people...we make mistakes. I take confidence in knowing that God's love for me is perfect and because of that I have the strength to love and trust because I know that God's plans for me are good and he will protect me. Thank God for change. I love you with the love of Jesus Christ.Amen.