Deliverance

The bond between a mother and child is the first and most important bond. What happens when that bond doesn't form or is deficient in some way? I think it creates a trauma and a void in that child that can only be healed by God. I suffered that trauma...the bond was there but it was defecient. It gave way to rejection and I still deal with rejection but I am believing God for deliverance. I don't want to continue to be in a place where the right person saying the wrong thing can cause me to go on an emotional rollercoaster. It's time to be made whole.

Restoration

I remember how I had prayer routes and places that I would go to pray and worship. I would often see something special during the time I would go. Today I visited a spot I used to visit when I wanted seclusion. Two songs came on the internet station I was listening to that had a message about God's love for us. It drew a song from me. I look forward to more moments like this in days to come. I pray that song will break forth from the spirits of God's people.

The Promise is Close

Today I looked up and saw what had to be at least the third rainbow I have seen this week. Earlier this week I came across something I had written in a journal a little over a year ago....I would like to share it: "I feel like I am waiting on a ship that doesn't have a specified arrival time (not one that I know of anyway). I find myself by the water thinking that any minute now my ship could come in, but every now and then the hope that has been deferred makes my heart sick because of the realization that it doesn't have to be any moment. Truth be told if the appointed time hasn't been declared to be now, whose to say it isn't a thousand years from now? one day is as a thousand years. Where does that leave me? It leaves me here in the present and today I choose to sit by the water hoping on suddenly. Hoping suddenly before I leave my ship will appear in the distance."

Today as I sit by the water I feel like my promise is closer than it was before and my ship is about to reach the shore.

Back to the Old Landmarks

I love dreaming about church. Last night I dreamed about my childhood church. I woke up this morning and drove past it; it gave me joy to think about the times we had and I had to laugh when I thought about how we were always made to recite the church info; now that I am an adult I see the wisdom in it..."First Church Emmanuel of Redeemed Saints 1305 West Scott St...(lol)." In the dream my cousin and I were standing on the outside of the church and there were dark clouds above it and it looked like it was about to storm. My cousin pointed up smiling and said "look at that rainbow". I couldn't see it at first and I told her there wasn't one there, but she kept looking and smiling so I kept looking too and then I saw it through the clouds...a rainbow just as she had said...at first I saw a little bit of it...and as I kept looking I saw more. It was beautiful. Emmanuel...God is with us; especially through the storms of life. We only have to keep looking at him. (l really love rainbows...through it all I still and always will really love God).

I Surrender All

Revelation...revealed and uncovered

Today; my post comes from a place that is new to me. A place where God is speaking and revealing but doing so at a time I find strange. There were times that I felt like I had it together....not now. There were times that I felt I was close to God...not now. Yet God is still speaking...yet God is still revealing. God told me not long ago he needed what he had put in me....my response was a question... now? in this weak state? There were times that I prayed and saw physical manifestations in the physical realm...not now. Now I feel weak, now I feel alone...so why now? Perhaps because now God can truly get the glory. I never wanted the applause and a platform...I did want the approval and the affection of a few though; at this point even that doesn't matter. I just want to be in a place at the feet of God. God is coming for his talents. I don't know what is about to happen but I feel it will be something major and soon. Today I was on my way to the mall and I ran over a snake that had slithered onto the highway and it gave me a reason to pause...God is going to expose and deal with the enemies even those that were hidden. Yesterday I saw an accident...I had to leave out another way and I saw a homeless man with binoculars looking in the direction of the accident laughing so hard it was chilling when he saw me he stopped laughing...I thought to myself what is this? I keep seeing 1018. What does it all mean? I feel it shall soon be revealed.

Every Moment In Your Hands