I love dreaming about church. Last night I dreamed about my childhood church. I woke up this morning and drove past it; it gave me joy to think about the times we had and I had to laugh when I thought about how we were always made to recite the church info; now that I am an adult I see the wisdom in it..."First Church Emmanuel of Redeemed Saints 1305 West Scott St...(lol)." In the dream my cousin and I were standing on the outside of the church and there were dark clouds above it and it looked like it was about to storm. My cousin pointed up smiling and said "look at that rainbow". I couldn't see it at first and I told her there wasn't one there, but she kept looking and smiling so I kept looking too and then I saw it through the clouds...a rainbow just as she had said...at first I saw a little bit of it...and as I kept looking I saw more. It was beautiful. Emmanuel...God is with us; especially through the storms of life. We only have to keep looking at him. (l really love rainbows...through it all I still and always will really love God).
Today; my post comes from a place that is new to me. A place where God is speaking and revealing but doing so at a time I find strange. There were times that I felt like I had it together....not now. There were times that I felt I was close to God...not now. Yet God is still speaking...yet God is still revealing. God told me not long ago he needed what he had put in me....my response was a question... now? in this weak state? There were times that I prayed and saw physical manifestations in the physical realm...not now. Now I feel weak, now I feel alone...so why now? Perhaps because now God can truly get the glory. I never wanted the applause and a platform...I did want the approval and the affection of a few though; at this point even that doesn't matter. I just want to be in a place at the feet of God. God is coming for his talents. I don't know what is about to happen but I feel it will be something major and soon. Today I was on my way to the mall and I ran over a snake that had slithered onto the highway and it gave me a reason to pause...God is going to expose and deal with the enemies even those that were hidden. Yesterday I saw an accident...I had to leave out another way and I saw a homeless man with binoculars looking in the direction of the accident laughing so hard it was chilling when he saw me he stopped laughing...I thought to myself what is this? I keep seeing 1018. What does it all mean? I feel it shall soon be revealed.
The other day God asked me to do something that did not seem logical. I thought it over and thought it over and although it didn't make sense to my natural mind I knew I had heard God so I did it. After I had completed the task, I thought about other times God had told me to do something I did not understand...that did not make sense in the natural; sometimes I did what was asked of me and sometimes I didn't (I thought it over until I talked myself out of doing it). Then I had a real moment...a moment where I had to be real with myself and I thought how many times had God given me (and other Christians) the unction to do something and I (we) didn't for whatever reason and the thought brought me to the question:what if we as Christians are the ones holding up each others prayers from being answered? I am going to be transparent today...God has told me to do some very specific things as they regarded other people; the times I was obedient the outcome was so much more than I imagined but what about the times when I didn't do what I was suppose to?
Last night I was in what felt like the in between of a dream and reality. When I have these experiences it is more like being in the spirit realm than in a dream...in the past when I have had these "dreams" and was in some sort of battle I woke up exhausted as if I had really been fighting. When I woke up I knew I had to do something about the dream. In times past I would pray and warfare. Today I didn't know what to do and I decided to just tell the person the dream and the beautiful part about it was that the dream gave the person the answer "Know the bible for yourself". This place in time is very different but one thing remains constant...God is faithful and he is still leading and guiding.
This morning I went by the water and God began to deal with me about my being able to receive his love. He began to deal with me about the fact that I still deal with the spirit of rejection and I came to the realization that in a lot of ways I am still that child searching for validation. God said "From conception to eternity to more...I have always loved you. You put man's opinion to high. It overthrew your view of my love for you. You believed a lie. My love for you is not compromised..it is unchanging it remains. I will heal your brokenness. Rejection has made you embrace a lie and reject the truth. My little lost child I have found you worthy of my love though you may not understand why...I love you. I will reveal the mysteries of your spirit...what you know and don't know you know. My love is deep, my love is wide, my love is boundless, it is limitless, it is sure, it is pure, it is holy, it is unchanging...it is yours if you will accept it. My love is unshakeable." When God told me that his love was unshakeable it brought to mind the poem I had written for him and I thought about the fact that some way I ended up subconsciously questioning his love for me. The devil has fooled so many people into thinking no one loves them...even God at some level. Today I am encouraged and I encourage you to be the expression of God's love. Us showing God's love will expose the lies of the devil as lies.
UNSHAKEABLE
I love you with an unshakable love Though the wind is roaring Though the storm is raging My Love for you remains unchanged My love for you is unshakable Though my heart is aching And hope seems to be fading My love for you remains It is unshakable Past my tears I smile at your beauty Marveling at myself My eyes take in the hell Surrounding me Frustration and Temptation Dance in the twilight Daring to overtake me And if the quake should overtake me If the trial should break me In the pile unscathed My love would remain unchanged Past my reasoning With my being I love you Lord Past my mind Throughout Time I love you Lord Though I fall If I must crawl I will get to you love My love is unshakable Unbreakable I need you Lord How I long for a time When chaos stops And your hand is in mine and we dance to the melody of my heart My heart sings a song to yours And your praises it pours and pours I Love you Lord Hope though fading endures It only takes a grain I am Yours My Love is unshakable
I have a bit of a confession...sharing it requires that I allow myself to be vunerable and today I can say that, that is okay. My grandmother was cremated. Everyone that was close to her knew her wishes. My mother and I spread most of her ashes after her death. I kept some and replanted her Easter Lillies with them. I kept the last of them saying I was going to plant a tree and put the rest of them there. Last night God began to deal with me about the remaining ashes. I had been justifying keeping them. I feel that God was patient as long as he was because of my state, but last night it was as if he said enough...it's time to let go. Today is my birthday; when I woke up a friend had tied balloons to my car. I took four of the balloons and went to one of my prayer spots with the last of the ashes. I prayed, sang, spread the rest of the ashes in the water, and then released the balloons. When I got into the car I felt different. After I drove down the road I noticed one of the balloons was still in the car and I stopped the car and let it go too. I said I wonder why that one was left. I had reached in the back of the car when taking the balloons out; how I missed that one is amazing. When I let the final balloon go I began to pray again "God I don't just let her go but I let go of every hurt, every dissapointment, every offense, every time someone wronged me...I choose to let it go...God I need your help...help me to let it go". I believe something broke today I believe something changed. It's a bit grim but when you lose someone that close to your reason and reality can become a bit shaken. I decided to let it all go and to love freely. Today with the help of the Lord and the Holy Spirit I choose to let go and forgive. People are people...we make mistakes. I take confidence in knowing that God's love for me is perfect and because of that I have the strength to love and trust because I know that God's plans for me are good and he will protect me. Thank God for change. I love you with the love of Jesus Christ.Amen.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
I don't agree with some of the lyrics but I couldn't think of a better song to express how I feel.
Today I started reading a book that I read some years ago "Pursuing the Glory". I am only on the introduction but it is already proving to be a powerful right now message. Here is an excerpt from the Introduction: " There is soon to be a collision between the heavenly and earthly realm. The barrier that has separated the two realms is being destroyed."
Psalm 24
24 The earth is the Lord's, and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.
2 For he hath founded it upon the seas, and established it upon the floods. 3 Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place? 4 He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. 5 He shall receive the blessing from the Lord, and righteousness from the God of his salvation. 6 This is the generation of them that seek him, that seek thy face, O Jacob. Selah. 7 Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in. 8 Who is this King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle. 9 Lift up your heads, O ye gates; even lift them up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in. 10 Who is this King of glory? The Lord of hosts, he is the King of glory. Selah.
I am glad that I have a good sense of humor. Laughter has gotten me through some difficult times. Today I went by the water and I got out of the car and as I was walking under a tree my hat got caught in the branches...I had washed my hair and it was in plats...it was combed but not exactly in a flattering style...I laughed out loud and said thank God I had hair under my hat! We have a lot to be thankful for so today as I await the start of Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) at sundown I have a laugh in my soul and heart knowing that God is for me and it is not over!
Friday, September 18, 2015
I went to a local prayer garden today...it was wonderful. I began to wonder if there were more in the area and then God began to instruct me to begin my own. I loved my time with God today...one of the things I got was it is time to seek God's face because there are dark days to come but if you seek God's face he will be the light; night will be as day before you.
It's Rosh Hashanah; the Jewish "head of the year" or New Year. It was my goal to make it to the water before the sun went down. I did not make it to see the sunset and I was extremely aggrivated and then I came to a place of peace simply knowing that today is a New Beginning and I am by the water....not when I wanted but I am here just the same. God is faithful.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
This is the view from one of my prayer spots. There are places that I like to go and pray; I also have prayer routes that I like to drive. They are almost always by water. One day I will live by the water and I will sit on my porch taking in the beauty of God's creation. In the meantime thank God that I still have access.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Thursday, September 3, 2015
My older son called me yesterday and said he needed to talk. When I got there he started off by saying "I had a dream..." I cut him off and said " I know you didn't call me to come way over here to tell me something you could have told me over the phone...we laughed and he said"no this is different ". I told him to tell me and he began to tell me that he had dreamed I was building a house and people kept stealing material....he said it was like they didn't know what they were doing but their doing it still prevented the construction of the house. He said then these people who were very different and from their appearance looked like misfits came and told the people stealing the material that they had better stop, and then there started to be progress in the construction of the house and the house was eventually finished. That dream has been ony mind since he told me. It makes me think of how important it is to choose who you have around you carefully because just like in his dream even if the people around you unconsciously hinder your vision or goals it still slows the process of construction. What then is the solution? For me its a simple prayer of Lord bring those who will.
Someone walked up to.my car while I was in the drive thru of a fast food restaurant and asked me to call 911 for them. I did (of course). His walking up to my car when there were others he could have gone to was humbling and encouraging. If people close to you, estranged, or strangers come to you when they need help its because they see something in you.
Matthew
Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.
